We are Nature. We are Spirit...
This is a brief overview of my life so far and may trigger emotions if you are still sensitive to topics such as alcohol addiction; drugs or suicidal tendencies/ victim of a loved one committing suicide. Help is behind these links when you click on them. So please do read at another time if guided back.
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My birth Mum left before I became 2 years old, so my Dad and me moved in with my Nanna. My Dad worked full time and thankfully his older sister took early retirement at 57 years old to become my main care giver. She had never married or had any children of her own. My Aunt was a devoted Sunday School Teacher, who only lived about a 15 minute walk away from my house in a high rise flat, which had the most epic views of the Castlereagh Hills in Belfast. The housing estate I lived in was perfectly positioned between the countryside and an 18 hole golf course, which blessed my childhood friends and I with many wonderful adventures, including getting chased by the golf greenkeeper!
From 8 years old, I supported my Nanna who had Alzheimers. I became sleep deprived, which affected my school life. My Dad done the best he could but struggled with his own mental health problems. When made redundant, he spent most of his time in the attic working on his railway model. In between, he taught me to swim, gardening, bought me a cat and he was extremely creative artistically & musically. We had a piano, an organ, two keyboards and a microphone in the early days. He loved God, but I think had suffered in early childhood during WWII, then serving in the RAF and the Army. Unfortunately, over time, my Dad lost total interest in life.
I was not equipped mentally to watch my Dad give up, so I enjoyed escaping to nature, which of course now I am aware of, is because it helped me feel at peace when homelife could sometimes, quite frankly, be just pure nuts.
Then the teenage years in a council estate brought other ways to escape, such as drugs and alcohol. Back then, there was no awareness on drugs. I took my first drug when I was 11 years old and at 14 worked part time in a nightclub. I remember how music and dancing really lifted my vibe, plus everyone at raves became so open. I know it's such a cliche, but I really felt 'peace, love and happiness man.' We hugged each other so much, watching sunsets and sunrises with each other; something that just never happened at home. I very fortunately never took a 'bad trip', until the drug dealers started to get greedy and mix the drugs, so they were not pure. At the same time, Heroin came on the scene around 1990. I remember the first-time heroin was offered to me when I was 15 years old, at a rave, I refused, thank God, a few others did not, and they eventually ended up either dead or with addiction issues. I now look back and know it was the friends who I was with who made it enjoyable, not necessarily the drugs. I do not under any circumstances condone the use of them. I was young and unaware.
At 18, my Nanna passed at 97 years old. I only got 2 out of 3 A-levels which was not bad considering I could not study. I done pretty well in my GCSEs, but weirdly was told by a teacher I should give up on the thought of university and any ideas of being a teacher myself. My self-esteem had declined as a teenager and because he was a 'teacher', I believed him.
At 21, my cousin, who was like a brother to me committed suicide. He stuck a gun in his mouth and blew his head off. He was 22 years old. This affected me and my family hugely; I eventually had suicidal thoughts myself. I went on strong anti-depressants, other meds followed.
At 29, two family members' (Father & Son) died, and this made me think about my life and what I was doing with it. I had put others first for so long.
So in 2005, just before my 30th, I left my Belfast childhood home, making sure social care support was in place for my Dad, and moved to Scotland, Edinburgh. I changed career from I.T to working a few jobs in various schools as an assistant, returning to college part time completing my level 3. I was still heavily involved caring for my Dad, travelling home often.
I immediately fell in love with Bonnie Scotland and met some truly wonderful pals. I was a member of a soul nourishing church hill- walking group; climbing a munro every month. And so, I found my true joy in nature again, however, past traumas were soon to surface again. I received a call that my Dad had been arrested, at around 75 years old, and tried to kill himself; my whole world came crumbling down. I took leave from work and returned home. When I felt I could do no more, I came back to Scotland and continued to work and study, but the impact on me was so great that my mental health declined.
“While you are walking, smile and be in the here and now, and you will transform that place into paradise.”
My Dad's attempted suicide about 2007, led me to be on 5 types of medication for chronic anxiety, chronic depression, insomnia - extra medication for the side effects. I was receiving flashbacks to childhood and it was extremely difficult. I tried a couple of different counsellors but found myself no better.
I finally returned home in 2011, just in time, as my Father's dementia was worsening. By then I was on high doses of meds and I began having a few drinks each evening to cope with looking after my Dad - I was not aware of other alternative ways to cope, such as meditation & breathwork.
Despite these challenges, for several years I worked full-time in special needs settings; studied 6 years part-time for a degree and worked at the weekends, looking after a young adult with Autism.
I stopped all medication in 2015 as I did not want this to be my life. In 2016 I felt I had no choice but to bring my Dad to a care home. I was extremely sleep deprived caring for him and he was incontinent. I felt an enormous amount of guilt. I started up big walks again in nature with my friends but was still drinking too much.
I do not recommend stopping meds unless you speak to your GP first. I made a big mistake of not tapering off properly and so had electric shocks through my head everyday for at least a month!
The last moment I seen my Dad he called me very hateful names, and to save my sanity at the time, I just could not go back to visit him. In 2017, I met my birth Mum, who was 84 and looked very 'drained'. I learned she suffered her whole life with mental health issues. She was raped at 17 years old and lost her baby boy after carrying him full-term. She went onto have 3 more girls but also went on strong diazepam long term and drank alot. She met my Dad at 42 years old and understandably, she did not want me; my Dad persuaded her. Both my parents passed in 2018.
My on-going learning has saved my sanity at times, with latter courses more focused on healing:​
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BA Child & Youth Studies (level 6)
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Children's Learning & Development (SNVQ level 3)
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Forest School Leader 3 Trained
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​ITC Outdoors First Aid & Paediatric First Aid
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Advanced DBS
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Numerous CPD & in-house courses such as: SQA Autism in Children & Young People; SQA Counselling; Learning Disability Awareness; Autism & Structured Play; Positive Behaviour Support; Epilepsy; Manual Handling; Infection Control; Food Hygiene; Suicide Awareness
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Safeguarding Children & Safeguarding Adults with Special Needs
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MAPA & Team Teach training​
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IOSH Managing Safely
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Diploma in Mindfulness
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Introduction to Ayurveda
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Rahanni Celestial Healing, levels 1 & 2 (Teacher)
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Qigong, Meditation, Breathwork & Sound Healing Practitioner
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Reiki Master Teacher
I felt called to move to England in 2018 for a fresh start.
I have always loved Jesus; believed in God and over time became a deep thinker, getting more into reading many books on philosophy, nature, religions, self development and spirituality.
During the first lockdown on furlough, I was doing my second successful 'one year no beer' of trying to prove to myself I was not an alcoholic, a habit I had developed while caring for my Dad. I developed a morning routine of getting up at 5am. I was doing two hour meditations, re-reading tons of books with a new awareness, listening to binaural beats, positive affirmations, hugging trees, grounding, learning about essential oils, exploring Ayurveda and more! I began to feel a strong desire to share what I discovered so I created this website and then my playgroup followed, 'Wee Nature Spirits' (WNS).
Starting my playgroup (on two credit cards!) in Dec 2020 was a divine blessing. I found acceptance and non-judgement with families who inspired me to become who a truly am; LOVE.
I have became a better person each day because of them and am extremely grateful to God for guiding me to to serve. This time round though I am also learning to care for myself in the process!
I had to close my playgroup in May 2024 due to the land a sublet from was sold. Fortunately , I know my direction is now a path of holistic services for families who need some extra support.
Now I have became a Reiki Teacher, although I will always be a student. One of the best pieces of advice given to me by another Aunt, whose time on Earth was coming to an end, was to 'take each day as it comes'. My cat Tiggy is a blessing in my life.
Deepest Gratitude & Love,
Lu x
ps I am not a trained psychologist, and it is always a good idea to seek professional support. For this reason, I created a mental health & suicide resource section listing various wonderful organisations for adults, young people and children. This is part of my life story and I do not condone the use of drugs (they are illegal!) or alcohol recklessly. I've made many unhealthy choices in this lifetime but am working on choosing healthier ones.